


after youth

by dyintherain



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Christmas, Drabble, Exes, M/M, Moving On, Past Relationship(s), yuta is fine
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-20
Updated: 2020-12-20
Packaged: 2021-03-11 01:26:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,813
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28196877
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dyintherain/pseuds/dyintherain
Summary: Doyoung chuckles, shaking his head, then cups Yuta’s chin to shoo him away from the table. “What happens after youth?”Yuta smiles cheekily. “We’ll see.”
Relationships: Kim Dongyoung | Doyoung/Nakamoto Yuta
Comments: 7
Kudos: 28





	after youth

**Author's Note:**

> let's pretend that youth was released ten years ago.
> 
> written for 23 days of wonder ♡ day 10: traditions

_Ten months ago_

  
It’s been almost five years, but Yuta still misses Doyoung a lot.

The feeling has somewhat subsided now - from the crushing regret that would keep him up late at night, a heavy weight settling on his chest as he’d roll to his side and find the left side of the bed cold and empty, to this tiny pinprick that only stings a little, like when it’s 4PM and he spaces out at work and his mind defaults back to thoughts of Doyoung.

It’s fine, really. He’s learned to live with it, just like he did with all the other things in his life that he had no control over.

Sometimes, though. Sometimes he wishes he could be like any other sane person - like Doyoung, really - and just… move on. Like now, when he’s at the ATM, absentmindedly punching in his six-digit PIN. It’s like muscle memory at this point - he doesn’t even have to look down at the touchpad as his fingers move on their own accord - 0 2 0 1 9… _fuck_. 

He pauses, breath catching in his throat as he suddenly remembers. He pulls out his phone from his pocket, playing dumb with himself as he unlocks it. _10:19 AM_ , it says and underneath - _Saturday, February 01._

And Yuta just… cries - tears running down both cheeks like a fucking waterfall, right in front of the sticky ATM machine, in the middle of the crowded shopping mall.

“Sir, is there a problem?” the security guard standing outside the bank and by the ATM tentatively asks him.

Yuta sniffs and shakes his head. “No, nothing,” he croaks out then laughs - a single _ha_ , in time with his finger as it punches _6_ on the touchpad, completing his PIN. He finishes his withdrawal, then leaves the ATM, trying to ignore the weird looks the other people in line are giving him.

He finds an empty bench and dials Doyoung’s number as soon as he sits down.

“Hey,” Doyoung’s warm voice answers after three rings.

“Happy birthday,” Yuta says. “I almost forgot.”

There’s a quiet chuckle, then - “It’s barely 10:30 in the morning.”

“I know, but,” A sigh. “I always greet you at midnight.”

It’s quiet for a few seconds before Doyoung answers him. “Right, you always do.” There’s a fondness in his voice that Yuta knows is reserved only for him, even after all these years. _Someday_ , he thinks to himself, he’s going to find a way to be content with that.

It’s another few seconds before Yuta realizes the implication of what Doyoung said - _right,_ _you always do_ \- like he didn’t realize it too until Yuta brought it up. He purses his lips, then considers that he also forgot Doyoung’s birthday until his ATM PIN (that he really should change one of these days) reminded him. Maybe that’s progress. And maybe it’s only fair.

“I have to go,” Doyoung says after Yuta doesn’t say anything for a while. “Thanks, Yuta.”

“Yeah, have a great day,” Yuta whispers as he ends the call.

  
  


_Four Christmases ago_

“Merry Christmas,” Ten groans loudly as he pushes the door shut.

Everyone in the room turns to look at him. “Ahh, the holiday cheer we’ve been waiting for,” Johnny exclaims in mock glee, raising a glass of champagne in Ten’s direction.

“Fuck holiday traffic,” Ten grumbles as he unwinds his scarf and takes off his coat, hanging up both in the rack by the doorway. He walks toward the living room then stops suddenly - Yuta sees his eyes flit between him and Doyoung, seated on the opposite ends of Johnny’s couch.

“The fuck are you both doing here?” he says in his no-nonsense, no-filter way.

“Ten-” Taeyong says almost instantly.

Ten closes his mouth then finishes the remaining two steps to the living room, plopping himself down on the vacant loveseat near the TV. “I can’t be the only one who finds this weird,” he says, looking at each of their friends in turn. Taeyong sends him a warning look, while Johnny and Jaehyun just smile awkwardly.

Doyoung rolls his eyes. “You’re not, but they all got some decency not to mention anything about it.”

Yuta clears his throat. “I can just… go.” These are all Doyoung’s friends first anyway. For like, a month earlier than him, sure. But still. He starts to stand up, but-

“I didn’t mean _that_ ,” Ten says at the same time that Doyoung sighs out, “Sit down, Yuta.”

He sits down.

“Okay,” Taeyong says firmly, surprising them all. “Might as well address the fucking elephant in the room. Yes, Yuta and Doyoung already broke up,” he says pointedly with a sharp look at Ten. Ten just shrugs. “But we’re all still friends, and no one’s leaving the group.”

“My _god_ , I’m not trying to kick anyone out. I was asking a simple question,” Ten says with a roll of his eyes. “And even if I am, it’s not Yuta I’m going to ask to leave,” he adds under his breath, but still loud enough for everyone to hear. Doyoung throws a balled up sock at him.

“Har, har,” Taeyong deadpans, patience thinning. “If both of them are okay with being in the same room, then why can’t we?”

“Stop talking about us in the third person,” Doyoung grumbles.

Taeyong lets out a weary sigh. “I was talking to _Ten_ , hence the fucking third person.”

Yuta clears his throat again. He’s never felt like this - so out of his element in his own closest social circle, but then again, he’s never really sat in the same room as them with Doyoung not being his boyfriend.

“You guys,” Johnny pipes up. “It’s tradition, okay? We’ve celebrated Christmas together since the first year of college. And we’re going to celebrate the next ones together here in this living room until the first one of us dies, at which point we’re going to be spending it by his grave.”

Jaehyun spits out his champagne.

“Baby!” Taeyong yelps, having been the receiving end of half of it.

“To friends, or whatever,” Doyoung raises his glass.

Ten smirks. “To _your_ and Yuta’s failed relationship.”

“Ten?” Yuta finally speaks up. “Fuck you.”

Taeyong bursts out laughing.

  
  
  


_Christmas Day_

Doyoung has pink hair. _Berry_ pink, to be exact. And it’s this - more than any of the other things that has changed in him since they broke up, that makes Yuta realize - he doesn’t want him back anymore.

Not that he has anything against pink. It actually suits Doyoung a lot, if he’s being honest. It’s just - realizing that Doyoung has changed, enough so that he’s become a guy who dyes his hair pink for fun. The Doyoung he knew would never do that in a million years. 

And it’s not a bad thing. Well, not a good thing, either. Just… a thing.

Yuta still misses him, though.

Even now, when all they have between the two of them is Johnny’s renovated kitchen island. It’s here that Yuta comes to the conclusion that he doesn’t miss Doyoung as he is now, hair pink and top buttons undone. Not even Doyoung as he was when they were together, when they were just two young people who didn’t know how to give up. It’s more like - Yuta misses the Doyoung that could have been if they did end up together. 

A Doyoung from an alternate universe. One who probably still has black hair. Yuta thinks maybe it’s best - that he and Doyoung broke up and it led to here, with Doyoung and his berry pink hair that matches the pink on his cheeks from the champagne.

“I don’t think I can ever move on from you,” Yuta blurts out before he can bite his tongue. 

Stupid champagne and stupid Christmas tradition, making him go back to this place time and time again. Not Johnny’s kitchen or living room, but here. Sharing the same space with Doyoung.

Doyoung looks taken aback for a moment, but he smiles eventually. “Me too.”

Yuta straightens up. “Really?”

“God, I loved you so much. Of course that won’t just go away.”

“I still love you,” Yuta says. But it’s a sober thought, not a drunken confession.

“I still love you, too.” Doyoung says it like a toast. He raises his glass and Yuta clinks his own against it, smiling. He knows they both know what they mean.

Yuta doesn’t want Doyoung back and he’s certain Doyoung feels the same. He knows, because he’s already stopped wishing for another chance with Doyoung on his lonely nights and started spending his 11:11s on other things instead.

But it feels nice, nonetheless. To stand here in Johnny’s kitchen and imagine, just for a moment, that alternate universe - where maybe the word ‘almost’ is not as painful as it is here. To think of them standing in this same kitchen, clinking their glasses for a completely different reason - where the ring on Doyoung’s finger wasn’t put there by another guy.

  
  
  


_Ten years ago_

Doyoung rips off the sugar packet haphazardly, making the whole content spill out into the already sticky table in front of them.

Yuta bursts out laughing. “You’re going to get us kicked out of here!”

“Not before your mad cackling does,” Doyoung shushes him. 

Yuta watches him as he sticks out his tongue slightly, gathering the sugar to the center of the table with his fingers, as if the activity needed all the concentration in the world.

Overhead, the cafe speakers are blasting out _Youth_ at full volume and all Yuta can think is that it’s really not the kind of song you play in a quaint coffee shop filled with students cramming the night away. That, and-

“Are you going home for Christmas?” Doyoung suddenly asks him.

“ _God_ , not this year. Why?”

Doyoung shrugs. “My friend, Johnny. He’s- he’s hosting a party for everyone of us who’s not going home. Do you wanna come?” He’s looking down as he says this, swirling his fingers through the sugar on the table, spelling out something.

Yuta shifts in his seat to peer at it closer. “ _DY?”_ He looks back up at Doyoung with a huge grin. “Doyoung and Yuta?”

Doyoung smirks at him. “No, dumbass. That’s for _D_ ong _Y_ oung,” he explains, even as Yuta follows a faint blush creeping up his cheeks.

Troye Sivan continues singing from the speakers and Yuta thinks- this one, this is their song.

“I’d love to come,” he says to Doyoung.

“Great, I’ll let him know- _what?_ ” Doyoung asks, flustered, as Yuta bends his head down, right over the sugar where Doyoung was previously intently looking at.

Yuta just smiles and mouths along the last line of the song. _My youth is yours._

Doyoung chuckles, shaking his head, then cups Yuta’s chin to shoo him away from the table. “What happens after youth?”

Yuta smiles cheekily. “We’ll see.”

**Author's Note:**

> thank you for reading! kudos and comments are always appreciated :’) check out this fic’s [moodboard](https://twitter.com/softfordoyu/status/1352875621525852161?s=21)  
> — if you enjoyed this, i also write mini doyu drabbles on twt sometimes. check out my pinned @do0_yuu  
> — cc: [dyintherain](https://curiouscat.qa/dyintherain)
> 
> <3


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